The past six months had been the real game changer. This was the toughest part in new habitats. Even my skin got adapted to the immense heat... But why can't I !! That was the question encountered the following nights. I was weak enough to fight those queries; so hid in the dark by switching off the lights.. sealed the tiny cracks in window panes just to escape from the outside world. Afraid to replay all the days behind me, easiest part was to hibernate. Whenever I came up with these stuff, he will accompany me.. kisses me softly on my cheeks and flows down with the flow to make pillow wet. Detangling all the nerves to make sense is not an easy job. The facts and figures on one side and the logistics playing its script on the other. Why do I betray myself every single time just to fit in someone's idea of being me! I wished to bleed on my bed so that the next morning can't be real for me. Probably that's when I started asking myself what my heart actually desires. Sipped my breath to test its humidness and heaviness... That was the first time in the long 25 years, I deluged myself with all the compassion I have !!!!!!!!!
Sunday 13 November 2016
How I met my Angel - A
Monday 9 May 2016
The 4th Dimension
This phase of life is known as "Learn to let it go !! "
Consume love.. Breathe love.. Because in the end its the only thing that matters !! I loved you well :) and nobody else could pamper you the way I did !!
The first dimension: The Big Catch By My Eyes
And obviously those were the after effects of a pity love story. Being an insomniac, I rarely found myself in senses. Survived with hundreds of motivational quotes, self help exercises and friends. Everything seemed to be calm to the outside world but my interiors witnessed hurricanes; buried myself in the soil not to be reborn again. Everyone who talked to me to make me feel comfortable uttered these words..
But amidst the hundred voices that advised my ears, She was different.. Like her, her words were also.. She asked me to fall in love with people and places. The thought was so alien to me. I believed it wont work for me and so I neglected it when the conversation ended. I forcefully engaged my dead soul in laughs, talks, long walks and huge crowd. Nothing worked for me.
It was another ordinary day. To me ordinary was grief, sadness, long sessions of cursing self talks, hatred, regrets !! And all of a sudden this person came with a big smile. And That caught my eyes.. Something sprouted within me. It was Her voice... It asked me to go grab his smile and give back one. I smiled back. He asked, I replied !
The Second dimension: Knowing You
Days passed.. Those smiles you gave me blossomed into laughs, long talks !! We shared millions of words in the blink of an eye and it grew greener, richer and more healthier with every passing season.
I was unaware that I was getting closer to you. And when one midnight when i felt sleepy your face flashed through my mind and that's when I realized m going to be in trouble. My hands searched for your birthday, the star influence !! I realised you are a bull :) It induced me to take the risk of getting closer to an untamed bull.. I stayed awake to talk to you.. Talks turned into fights and fights !! to "F" words and ended up in sorry !! I believed your pretty little lies and felt happy... We were in different poles and those dissimilarities attracted me.
The Third Dimension: Time !!
You were my CHANCE when I was one among your CHOICES !!
I knew it.. I tried a hundred times to stay away from you but I missed myself in that process.. I didn't want to lose myself again. I wished to be near you every single moment because you made me realize the beauty of love. You made me believe in love again. Its not your words that was noticed by my senses.. your gestures, your smiles and your eyes. Every time you smiled, I fell in LOVE ! You made me look closer to myself... and for all those were the moments, I felt ALIVE.. !! I was never wrong in getting closer to you ! YOU MADE ME ME <3
And finally it is time for the Fourth Dimension !!
Consume love.. Breathe love.. Because in the end its the only thing that matters !! I loved you well :) and nobody else could pamper you the way I did !!
The first dimension: The Big Catch By My Eyes
And obviously those were the after effects of a pity love story. Being an insomniac, I rarely found myself in senses. Survived with hundreds of motivational quotes, self help exercises and friends. Everything seemed to be calm to the outside world but my interiors witnessed hurricanes; buried myself in the soil not to be reborn again. Everyone who talked to me to make me feel comfortable uttered these words..
"Love is dangerous. Stay away from it"
"There is no one in this world who is worth loving"
"Love kills"
*********************************************************************************But amidst the hundred voices that advised my ears, She was different.. Like her, her words were also.. She asked me to fall in love with people and places. The thought was so alien to me. I believed it wont work for me and so I neglected it when the conversation ended. I forcefully engaged my dead soul in laughs, talks, long walks and huge crowd. Nothing worked for me.
It was another ordinary day. To me ordinary was grief, sadness, long sessions of cursing self talks, hatred, regrets !! And all of a sudden this person came with a big smile. And That caught my eyes.. Something sprouted within me. It was Her voice... It asked me to go grab his smile and give back one. I smiled back. He asked, I replied !
The Second dimension: Knowing You
Days passed.. Those smiles you gave me blossomed into laughs, long talks !! We shared millions of words in the blink of an eye and it grew greener, richer and more healthier with every passing season.
I was unaware that I was getting closer to you. And when one midnight when i felt sleepy your face flashed through my mind and that's when I realized m going to be in trouble. My hands searched for your birthday, the star influence !! I realised you are a bull :) It induced me to take the risk of getting closer to an untamed bull.. I stayed awake to talk to you.. Talks turned into fights and fights !! to "F" words and ended up in sorry !! I believed your pretty little lies and felt happy... We were in different poles and those dissimilarities attracted me.
The Third Dimension: Time !!
You were my CHANCE when I was one among your CHOICES !!
I knew it.. I tried a hundred times to stay away from you but I missed myself in that process.. I didn't want to lose myself again. I wished to be near you every single moment because you made me realize the beauty of love. You made me believe in love again. Its not your words that was noticed by my senses.. your gestures, your smiles and your eyes. Every time you smiled, I fell in LOVE ! You made me look closer to myself... and for all those were the moments, I felt ALIVE.. !! I was never wrong in getting closer to you ! YOU MADE ME ME <3
And finally it is time for the Fourth Dimension !!
Monday 12 October 2015
നിഴല്
ഒടുവില് നിഴല് ബാക്കിയായ്... എന്നിലെ ഞാനും എന് നിഴലും അനാഥമായി. ഒരു കാതം കൂടി ഞങ്ങള് ഒരുമിച്ചു നടന്നു. പരസ്പര പൂരകങ്ങളായി മൌനത്തെ ഭേദിച്ചു. തങ്ങളിലെ വ്യത്യാസങ്ങള് കൂട്ടികിഴിച്ചു. അവ അക്കങ്ങള് ആയി രൂപാന്തരം പ്രാപിച്ചു. ആ അക്കങ്ങള് മന്ത്രങ്ങളായി മാറി. ആ മന്ത്രങ്ങള് മനസ്സ് ഉരുവിട്ടു. പതുക്കെ പതുക്കെ വ്യക്തത നഷ്ട്ടമായി തുടങ്ങി. ഇരുട്ടു എങ്ങും വ്യാപിച്ചതിനാലാവണം. എന്റെ കണ്ണുകള് മായുന്ന അവളിലേക്ക് പടര്ന്നു കയറി. ഇനി എന്നാണ്.. ? അതിനു ഉത്തരം പറയാതെ അവള് എനിലേക്ക് ലയിക്കുനത് ഞാന് കണ്ടു. എന്നിലേക്ക് ആവാഹിക്കപെട്ട ആ കൌതുകത്തെ ചേര്ത്തുപിടിച്ചു വീണ്ടും നടന്നു, അടുത്ത പുലര്കാലത്തിലേക്ക്...
Thursday 22 January 2015
RED LETTERS ARE NOT TO BE READ WITH EYES ALONE !!
My stomach is half filled. With the bricks surrounding me, had a night walk. Happy that I'm the only person I could meet in this room. My eyes got hooked onto a photo frame. Walked straight. Held it at a distance. Of course the picture was not my aim. I could see the reflection on the glass. Not so clear yet I was able to identify myself. That was a good sign to remind myself that my eyes have sight. I kept it on the table.Unknowingly, my hands went in search for the sword I wish to have on my lonely evenings. I scribbled down some words to sharpen it. An emptied feeling.. Wihsing to draw the lady of broken words, I ended up in drawing something more familiar to me. Her eyes seemed inexplicable. Soon the ink forbid itself to spread on the paper.Even then I ran my fingers around to create me. Just shattered a few drops of tears on the virgin young lady, I closed my book..
My stomach is half filled. With the bricks surrounding me, had a night walk. Happy that I'm the only person I could meet in this room. My eyes got hooked onto a photo frame. Walked straight. Held it at a distance. Of course the picture was not my aim. I could see the reflection on the glass. Not so clear yet I was able to identify myself. That was a good sign to remind myself that my eyes have sight. I kept it on the table.Unknowingly, my hands went in search for the sword I wish to have on my lonely evenings. I scribbled down some words to sharpen it. An emptied feeling.. Wihsing to draw the lady of broken words, I ended up in drawing something more familiar to me. Her eyes seemed inexplicable. Soon the ink forbid itself to spread on the paper.Even then I ran my fingers around to create me. Just shattered a few drops of tears on the virgin young lady, I closed my book..
Thursday 27 March 2014
Vows
Love yourself and you will defenitely find a person who wish to be loved by you..
He or she will be your perfect companion by the way..
<3...
He or she will be your perfect companion by the way..
<3...
Friday 10 January 2014
THE SCAR
Dated : 16/11/2013
Wasn't content when I woke up this morning. Mind is still praying. Laying my face against the pillow, covered my head. But kept on seeing the blood. Never felt safe in my room which always tells me that my intuitions will never go wrong. Hands reached for the phone. No new messages. Wished you a good morning at 9.01 am.
Not even bothered to fold the bed cover, went down. Realised what chaos in real life meant. Stood under the shower for a couple of minutes to remind myself that my head is not burning. It was not the usual cold. Hands had gone pale. Mom called me for breakfast from a wall away. Experienced like those sound waves had crossed several seas to hit my eardrum. Got fresh. Came out. Stuffed my mouth with some food.
Switched on the TV. The buttons in the remote were pressed with an unusual speed. Reverting from one to another and again going back. Perhaps I was just a robot that possibly forgets to breathe. Nothing emerged that could detach for sometime from my physical state. For the good or the bad, eyes got stuck to "SISTER ACT" by Sia Issac which was on my brother's book shelf. Its new. Smelled fresh. I ran across the pages. This was the last line in the 6 th page. "No new green leaves will be seen by his eyes. Death is only an acute pain to retain the last shred of air you have within. "
This sencente collapsed my head and intruded into the emptiness of my mind like a wild fire. Ran upstairs. Reached for my phone. 2 missed calls on the screen. Called back. Your voice was resonant. Your breaths were rushing too fast to spill the words over me. I guessed. My mind processed a visual. You laying alone in a vehicle crowd. "Had an accident." These words came to me across the ear piece. My pulse rate slowed down. My diaphragm collapsed and my nerves are on. "He is safe"- the inner angel said. I truly got my breath back and I AM ALIVE !
With regards
----------
PS: Stay close
Wasn't content when I woke up this morning. Mind is still praying. Laying my face against the pillow, covered my head. But kept on seeing the blood. Never felt safe in my room which always tells me that my intuitions will never go wrong. Hands reached for the phone. No new messages. Wished you a good morning at 9.01 am.
Not even bothered to fold the bed cover, went down. Realised what chaos in real life meant. Stood under the shower for a couple of minutes to remind myself that my head is not burning. It was not the usual cold. Hands had gone pale. Mom called me for breakfast from a wall away. Experienced like those sound waves had crossed several seas to hit my eardrum. Got fresh. Came out. Stuffed my mouth with some food.
Switched on the TV. The buttons in the remote were pressed with an unusual speed. Reverting from one to another and again going back. Perhaps I was just a robot that possibly forgets to breathe. Nothing emerged that could detach for sometime from my physical state. For the good or the bad, eyes got stuck to "SISTER ACT" by Sia Issac which was on my brother's book shelf. Its new. Smelled fresh. I ran across the pages. This was the last line in the 6 th page. "No new green leaves will be seen by his eyes. Death is only an acute pain to retain the last shred of air you have within. "
This sencente collapsed my head and intruded into the emptiness of my mind like a wild fire. Ran upstairs. Reached for my phone. 2 missed calls on the screen. Called back. Your voice was resonant. Your breaths were rushing too fast to spill the words over me. I guessed. My mind processed a visual. You laying alone in a vehicle crowd. "Had an accident." These words came to me across the ear piece. My pulse rate slowed down. My diaphragm collapsed and my nerves are on. "He is safe"- the inner angel said. I truly got my breath back and I AM ALIVE !
With regards
----------
PS: Stay close
Monday 23 December 2013
Polynomial as a LAUGHING GAS ;)
He likes those similar triangles which I hate the most
and he hates those polynomials which I like the most. Unity in diversity. That
was the only available solution. I taught this boy for 4 weeks the major
operations involved while dealing with this topic. Every time he makes this
mistake of multiplying a number with an unknown 'x' its a x squared.
I repeatedly cleared his doubts (which was the same everytime). On the final
day I put him under test and asked him to solve some questions. Again
when the similar multiplication came he rerere....repeated (thats the word
actually) the very same mistake. Got angry and shouted like how many times
should I tell you this ! Once again rewinded every single phrase that i told
but this time in a different way. I changed my font style by using cursy
writing and to my surprise he started giving answers without any flaws. At the
end I asked him why he was not able to follow this till now and he innocently
replied " your x and x (one of which is the multiplication symbol) looked
alike and every time I saw this made me think that there are two "x".
This follows a long laughter :D
Thumbs up Navneeth.. (my student) !!
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